Yesterday the redneck racists trolled and broke into the Capitol. It was mayhem in D.C. and the sad thing about it is that those fools have children that were climbing the side of the Capitol building like monkeys. It's ironic that Black folks have been called monkeys and thugs and what I witnessed yesterday I saw a lot of rednecks acting like what they called us. What really gets me angry is that the police opened the barricades and allowed them to come in. That tells me that we have racist police siding with these rednecks so where is the justice?

During this mayhem a redneck lost her life among a few others. I don't look at this woman as hero but a redneck who received karma immediately after breaking into the capitol and not listening to the officers who told her to stop. Her children and family have to admit that the choice she made to go there to stand up for a man that was a coward was the wrong move and ended tragically taking her life. She chose a man with no backbone over her children. Take that in for a moment that she made a decision to gear up go to DC and break in the capitol for what exactly? Though she fought for this country who did she really fight for it wasn't me. It's ironic that this situation happened and definitely hurtful for her children who she thought she was proving point and lost her life doing so. I have no sympathy for this woman loosing her life because she made the choice to loose her life. She believed lies from a man who is a coward and to believe these lies for over four years she got what she was looking for a consequence of dying for a cowardly man.

What really angers me is that the police were scarce and when you look at the peaceful protest that Black Americans had last year with the Black Lives Matter. The National Guard was called in sprayed mace, hurt and maimed more that four people. There are two different laws when it comes to justice one for white America and one for Brown and Black people.

Now my mother never taught me to be racist or to recognize others skin color. Amerikkka taught me racism and what it means to be Black in Amerikkka. It was Rebecca Wilson who called me a nigger in the 5th grade, it was white racists cops that beat me and my three children at Penn Station in 1993.

I was brought up in Florida and had love from many people that were white. Alice Fox was one of my white mommas who I love to this day and showed me love unconditionally as a child. Ryan and Shanda Fox were her grandchildren who showed me love and to be honest never saw me as a threat or a thug. I use to babysit Shanda and Ryan they were my family when my mother was working. I never experienced real racism until I was an adult.

Today I feel that folks have to prove themselves to be around me because I don't trust many people Black or white. My mistrust may stem from situations in my life from being a survivor of rape, domestic violence and police brutality. Being a survivor of such heinous crimes against me, I still stand and can love others. I am grateful for my experiences because they made me the woman I am today strong assertive and fair.

My mother was disappointed with me recently because she felt that I was being racist with my statements of speaking out. I had to inform her I am not angry with her, I am angry that Amerikkka is NOT fair when it comes to people of color. The way Amerikkka has treated Black people is NOT fair especially when it comes to us protesting and standing up for human rights.

Let me be clear I have no hate for white people I despise racists that are given a pass. The scene of the capitol yesterday angered me how they could vandalize the Capitol and not be arrested immediately. In fact I saw one police officer escort a white woman down the stairs who broke into the capitol who should have been arrested immediately. As a Black woman I know if it was Black people we would have been shot and killed before we even got close to the building and that is what most Black people in America feel as well.

Blessingz and thanks for listening to me vent about this terrible situation yesterday. I wish the best for the U.S. but my goal is to purchase my Beneteau and ht the islands as soon as I can.

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My good friend Dami, a fellow filmmaker from the UK who resides in Brooklyn have been using Marco Polo and she mentioned Clubhouse app. We use the Marco Polo to see each other and share our filmmaker status of what we are working on and what struggles we may have with grants or funding. Today I wasn't feeling well so I took the day off from work and started doing some research on this Clubhouse app she was talking about. Dami seemed real excited that filmmaker, Ava Duvernay was in one of the rooms and so was Damon John from the Shark show so it did peek my interest. I admire Ava and I guess if I didn't have kids I could've been where she is at right now with her career. I really am proud of this sistah for making it to Hollywood and making films I would have made if I had the platform to do so. I am so proud of this sistah for using her platform to share voices we rarely hear in mainstream media.

I joined today and my Instagram jumped a lot because I am sure I didn't have over 1k followers. I met so many other Black entrepreneurs and so and there are so many more to meet. I get amped when I meet others that are like minded and living in Rochester there aren't many filmmakers of color that I can go to for advice or share my struggles.

I am a part of the Rochester Documentary Collectives needless to say there are only three black people in the group out of 20. That is why I started looking online for other filmmakers of color to vibe with because when I am in film groups that involve white Americans they always seem to want to do a documentary or film on misfortunate people so they can look like the hero or raise money from someone else's problems. A great example is the commercial with kids from a poor country that are hungry there is always a white man walking around a ghetto asking for money to save a little Black kid. The last meeting we had really turned me off because I don't think the white woman who was doing the film even thought about it she just thought there was a need to do it which I can understand but unfortunately she had no connection to the people, so in my mind I am thinking she is exploiting these people to benefit herself. Many white Americans have done that in past history, told our stories and they were never correct just their imagination that they unleashed on screen through a script.

As a Black Filmmaker it has always been a challenge raising money some of our films are not even seen because we loose the momentum.

I'm not gonna lie I have been depressed this year 2020, a number of things have set me back mentally. Having two grown Suns in prison has messed with my psyche, keep asking myself the question? What did I do wrong for them to make these type of decisions in their lives? Was I was too emotional while I was raising them, perhaps if I didn't allow myself to be a victim I could have handled my life better. If I had of stopped dancing and got a real job I could've met a nice man to build with perhaps they would have had a role model. I know blaming myself for being a single parent is not the key, so to take myself out of that negative mind status I listen to Tony Robbins or Lisa Nichols. They have actually helped me without even meeting me. Not to mention the election and Covid this year has been a struggle to keep my finances on track. Like most Americans waiting for their stimulus checks so we gain some traction with our bills I get stressed where I shouldn't be but somehow I am human.

Laying in bed I came to an epiphany that I have to finish "Tenacidad" and "Rochesta" make those two films my 2021 projects. I plan on finishing them up after I finish my video workshop uploads. I am still transcribing in Spanish my FAA certification workshop I have half already shot I need to shoot the other half once I kick this head cold. I am grateful I ain't sneezing or have cold in my chest.

As I continue to find myself in my business, I am dedicated to getting back on track with my career. I have been depressed far too long and have got to get out of this rut.

This afternoon my Sun, Jah called me he got out the hole thank Gawd. It is such a heinous thing to put another human being in a cage for a week or a month. I find that isolation forced on someone can cause more mental health issues than just working it out but then prisons really don't care it's a business. I am glad he's ok and I hope they release him soon guess that is every Mothers wish.

Met some good hearted people this week and gave out my postcards wising my clients a

Happy New Year.

Tomorrow is the 31st and I hope to feeling better so I can get back to work.

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Americans are spoiled by nature not sure if it is because we have the advantage by living in a country that takes what it wants or if it is something we all have learned from birth. I know this evening a young man asked me how I was doing and I responded I am grateful. What does grateful mean in times like this? It means being grateful your health is in tack and you're not in the hospital alone. It means your grateful you have a roof over your head even if you live in the hood. Grateful is being thankful you have food in your belly and you are not starving.

I could complain and say my life is hard, I don't have enough money to do things I really want. I could complain and say I'm tired of sending two grown men money in prison. I could complain that folks aren't serious about business like I am but what would it accomplish? It might make me feel better momentarily but it wouldn't really change the situation.

Lately I have been listening to Lisa Nichols and Tony Robbins who are authors and inspirational speakers I admire. Though I am on a budget they have videos on youtube that motivate and inspire me when I need that pick me up.

Next year 2021 is looking different for me already I have to cut some bills and the YMCA is one of them. I am really going to have to rely on myself walking and making sure I get a walk in a day which has been challenging already with my schedule. I wasn't able to walk to day so my goal is to walk tomorrow and push myself.

This weekend I taped my workshop and yes I felt discouraged because my Spanish is just that bad. I was encouraged by my girls Lydia and Moty that if I kept practicing my vowels it will come. Ironic Moty sent me this picture of her and my eldest daughter at UB during Moty's graduation.

Just thinking of what I cam going to cook for the upcoming holidays. I was thinking of lasagne but that may be too much for me to cook. I will see what I feel like cooking I am leaning towards a large salmon with a side of wings for Erin and whomever wants chicken.

This week has been pretty laid back in Rochester, New York the weather has been mild. Looks like the weather may be changing though...

As I was blogging this evening my eldest daughter noticed I never had any posts of her in my blog. So here is to the mini me and the memories from our journey's together. I look forward to building more memories with my daughter cause life is what you make it. Looking forward to sailing with her and the kids in the near future God willing, I'm living.

Looking forward to 2021 with new horizons...


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