Catching my breathe

The past few weeks have flown by with no apology for time flying by. This year has been a strain on everyone. Covid 19 has our country turned upside down and I haven't been able to sleep soundly due to stress. I have to take a break from life and that means without the family. Looking forward to driving to Long Island so I can spend a day with myself just lay on the beach and think about my life.

Lately I have seen other women filmmakers sprout with their films and series while I am stuck in an artists funk. Ervin hasn't noticed I am unhappy he is tuned in to his mother which has had priority since I have moved here. So tired of living in a shadow of his Mom don't get me wrong I love her as well but there comes a time when your significant other should be number one.

My son, Joval has not been forthcoming with his situation in jail he still won't explain to me why he was indicted but then he wants to me to call folks to assist him. I have been ignoring his calls because he has been stressing me out asking me to do things for him and he can't be honest with me.

My dream is to purchase a sail boat next year and move to the islands. I am quite tired of being in Rochester and have said this more than once I need to go. Just like I made a plan to escape NYC I need to make a plan to escape Rochester. I am not getting any younger and I have waited patiently for Ervin to move us but he won't so it's up to me to make myself happy. I understand this is his home but what I won't accept is standing still. I opened a business with him and he hasn't made much effort to learn how to drone. I made a bad decision going into business with him because he is NOT motivated to want to learn or progress that is frustrating to say the least.

Since I have turned fifty I realized it's time to write my book and live for myself. I have raised my children and Erin will be out of the house within five years. I need to be happy the last years of my life and do what makes me happy. I have sacrificed my career for a humble life in the hood and I can do better than this I know I can. As long as I have my health I can make a change in my lifestyle.

Today we have plans to go horseback riding today with Stephanie and the boys. Hope Erin and the boys enjoy themselves I know it's been hard for the kids since Covid.

I have to catch my breathe soon because my creativity is dying if I don't catch my breathe.

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