My good friend Dami, a fellow filmmaker from the UK who resides in Brooklyn have been using Marco Polo and she mentioned Clubhouse app. We use the Marco Polo to see each other and share our filmmaker status of what we are working on and what struggles we may have with grants or funding. Today I wasn't feeling well so I took the day off from work and started doing some research on this Clubhouse app she was talking about. Dami seemed real excited that filmmaker, Ava Duvernay was in one of the rooms and so was Damon John from the Shark show so it did peek my interest. I admire Ava and I guess if I didn't have kids I could've been where she is at right now with her career. I really am proud of this sistah for making it to Hollywood and making films I would have made if I had the platform to do so. I am so proud of this sistah for using her platform to share voices we rarely hear in mainstream media.
I joined today and my Instagram jumped a lot because I am sure I didn't have over 1k followers. I met so many other Black entrepreneurs and so and there are so many more to meet. I get amped when I meet others that are like minded and living in Rochester there aren't many filmmakers of color that I can go to for advice or share my struggles.
I am a part of the Rochester Documentary Collectives needless to say there are only three black people in the group out of 20. That is why I started looking online for other filmmakers of color to vibe with because when I am in film groups that involve white Americans they always seem to want to do a documentary or film on misfortunate people so they can look like the hero or raise money from someone else's problems. A great example is the commercial with kids from a poor country that are hungry there is always a white man walking around a ghetto asking for money to save a little Black kid. The last meeting we had really turned me off because I don't think the white woman who was doing the film even thought about it she just thought there was a need to do it which I can understand but unfortunately she had no connection to the people, so in my mind I am thinking she is exploiting these people to benefit herself. Many white Americans have done that in past history, told our stories and they were never correct just their imagination that they unleashed on screen through a script.
As a Black Filmmaker it has always been a challenge raising money some of our films are not even seen because we loose the momentum.
I'm not gonna lie I have been depressed this year 2020, a number of things have set me back mentally. Having two grown Suns in prison has messed with my psyche, keep asking myself the question? What did I do wrong for them to make these type of decisions in their lives? Was I was too emotional while I was raising them, perhaps if I didn't allow myself to be a victim I could have handled my life better. If I had of stopped dancing and got a real job I could've met a nice man to build with perhaps they would have had a role model. I know blaming myself for being a single parent is not the key, so to take myself out of that negative mind status I listen to Tony Robbins or Lisa Nichols. They have actually helped me without even meeting me. Not to mention the election and Covid this year has been a struggle to keep my finances on track. Like most Americans waiting for their stimulus checks so we gain some traction with our bills I get stressed where I shouldn't be but somehow I am human.
Laying in bed I came to an epiphany that I have to finish "Tenacidad" and "Rochesta" make those two films my 2021 projects. I plan on finishing them up after I finish my video workshop uploads. I am still transcribing in Spanish my FAA certification workshop I have half already shot I need to shoot the other half once I kick this head cold. I am grateful I ain't sneezing or have cold in my chest.
As I continue to find myself in my business, I am dedicated to getting back on track with my career. I have been depressed far too long and have got to get out of this rut.
This afternoon my Sun, Jah called me he got out the hole thank Gawd. It is such a heinous thing to put another human being in a cage for a week or a month. I find that isolation forced on someone can cause more mental health issues than just working it out but then prisons really don't care it's a business. I am glad he's ok and I hope they release him soon guess that is every Mothers wish.
Met some good hearted people this week and gave out my postcards wising my clients a
Happy New Year.
Tomorrow is the 31st and I hope to feeling better so I can get back to work.