So I was a bit vexed when I found out that my professors at City College didn't respond to my requests for a recommendation. My mentor Andrea Weiss wrote me one and good friend of mine who is a District Attorney wrote me two letters. My third reference which were the two other professors from CUNY not only did they not respond but never wrote the letters. I am not sure why they didn't when I got good grades in their class, I guess it was either they had issues with me furthering my education. So as I was licking my wounds about wasting money on the application and the transcripts I paid for there was a project stewing little did I know.
This year I have come to face my own fears and decided to share my story about my own rape and journey with having a child from such a heinous violent crime. Ever since I had my oldest daughter I was ashamed of how she came about, I didn't even tell my mother the truth until she was probably four years old.
While I was licking my wounds from not being able to get into Cornell I was speaking about my situation to a work colleague. While we were having a conversation she expressed to me the same thing happened to her as a child. I was taken back for all these years I kept my situation to myself I went a few time sot get therapy but always felt that the mental health professional would either judge me and not give me therapy I really needed. As I thought about our brief conversation it really tolled on my mind how I needed to release what happened and forgive myself. Days later I went to the library and checked out a few books regarding rape. My relationship has been up and down with my oldest daughter I am sure she felt a stigma since she was young. My reasoning for making the film is to educate and inspire other women that may feel they are alone like I dd for over 30 years.
During my research I found a filmmaker from Toronto that shot a film entitled "Apology" which was about three women who survived WW II and were out in Japanese sex camps where these women endured rape on a regular like 40x a day for some women. Haven't watched the film yet but it's on my list of to do things for my film.
I reached out to a few women online and have made some headway. Still reading and reaching out to organizations while researching funding. Pressing forward stay tuned till the next episode.