Struggling with my project finding crew locally and holding myself together emotionally. This week I went to volunteer at a womens' half way house and went to their group therapy. I was emotionally moved by the stories and inspired by the tenacity of some of the women. Met another woman there who came and volunteered she was intelligent and her words matched her thoughts. I am hoping to develop a working relationship with her I called her and she was busy. I was excited when she called me back because she may be interested in working on the project.
This week I was finally able to reach the Mental Health professional in Manhattan from Sierra Leone, she advised I would need to remove myself from the project from time to time. I was eager for her advice though I wasn't crazed about her suggesting I go to therapy one on one. It just doesn't work with me and I have tried numerous times that I just let the idea go. What I did like about going to group therapy this week at the half way house, is that I didn't feel like I was the only one that has gone through such trauma. The one on one therapy seems to always leave a bad taste in my mouth because most mental health professionals have not endured the violence and can't relate what I am feeling inside. I always have that feeling like your a specimen not a human being when they are analyzing you. I also looked online to see what resources I could find for survivors of violence there were basically two organizations that assisted folks. First I started with Restore.org which routed me to planned parenthood which routed me to Willow which only dealt with intimate partners and rape. It seemed to me the more I research in Rochester there were limited resources for individuals who have been raped.
I have been reading a few books and really enjoyed reading "Surviving The Silence" by Charlotte Pierce-Baker which explores the topic on rape by using her own story to narrate and then allowing others voices be heard who are survivors. What I liked is that she broke it down from what she was doing prior to the violent act and the act itself and then reliving the event through the justice system. I admired how she included the voices from survivors as well.
This week Ellen Degeneres and Jane Fonda have come forward they were raped and molested as children. The mere fact that celebrities have went this long and haven't mentioned a word is traumatizing but a relief that I know this project is real.
Though I have to admit I have had some bad memories evoked by listening to others vent. I know that I will have to separate myself from time to time so I can look at the project with fresh eyes when I pick it up. This documentary is going to be challenging, for the mere fact my emotions by my own rape can be triggered at any time. In the mean time I will go back to my swimming routine which inspires me to breathe regularly. I am looking forward to going to Toronto to view "The Apology" by director Tiffany Hsiung on March 17th at the Sheraton Centre Toronto sponsored by the ASSOCIATION FOR ASIAN STUDIES, INC.
Today meeting with a potential intern for documentary that attends U of R. Attending an other artist event this evening at Flower City Arts
click on her name Stephanie Mercedes