This Saturday, I finally hit the market to sell some post cards to make money for food and gas this weekend. Erv went and drove for Lyft as me and Erin went to the market to sell what I could at the Rochester Public Market. I made a few dollars but realized I need a small table and a consistent spot where I can not be bothered by the Farmers Market Security people. I sat the whole time because my back was out of commission and I couldn't take all my medications and sit out there in the hot sun so I went solo without any back medication and later on was feeling every bit of not taking it. When we left the market we went to Stephanie and Therons for a while we ate and I gave her some apples I bought and she gave me some nectarines. I was happy to hit the market because I had wanted to sell my images for a while and I even had some requests for postcards. I really was thankful for the kind people in Rochester that bought my images they really don't know. My self esteem was hitting me because I felt worthless like a refugee depending on hand outs from the public. I wish I had some food stamps I was saying to myself at least I know I'm gonna eat. I literally hate that feeling of where is my next meal going to come from. Not saying I was in that position, that's how I felt. I am sure my Sun's would have bought me a meal and the few friends I have but my sense of pride wouldn't allow me to ask.
Last week I was in an accident and needless to say I have been in pain ever since. The week was coming along fine until this dude hit me with his truck on Allen and Broad street. Literally turned his truck into my lane and side swiped my vehicle. I had to go to Highland Hospital for lower back pain which was not cool because I already have back issues from my arthritis. The guy immediately jumped out his truck and apologized which I could appreciate and check to see if I was alright. I was literally shaking and started to feel immediate pain. Went to the hospital they drugged me up with meds that I had to go home and lay down. I laid down around noon and woke up some time that afternoon around 5 my back was sore but real draggy. I had a passenger in the car that wasn't injured so he went to work after the hit Ervin came by and gave him a ride the rest of the way. One thing bothered me from the accident is the guy never showed his ID card didn't have a copy on his phone and the police never ticketed him. I am going to wait for the police report because some how I feel uncomfortable with the officer he really didn't take much of a statement from me he just asked me for my ID and then kinda of cut me off. I thought about that on the ride to the hospital did the guy lie and change his story. The dude gave Erv his wife money at work which I thought was odd because why wouldn't he carry a copy of his insurance card so I called like he Erv informed me left two messages for the wife she never called back even after the following day. I informed the officer he can tell the guy I didn't want any money just for him to fix the damages he said I would inform him. After 48 hours I contacted a personal injury attorney because obviously I am going to loose money out of work and my back hurts.
Ervin is a trooper he has been handling paying my cell phone bill and I am truly thankful. I feel like I have hit rock bottom right now. I have bombed in raising money for my film. I paid off Jamal for the two days he filmed and still need money for our last shoot with the drone and the interviews with my daughter and myself. I don't know where the money is going to come from and that is what makes me feel real down right now. My birthday wish is that I could get a $25,000 donation for this film. Shyt it don't even have to be 25k it could be 10k and I would rap it up and send it out to Sundance ASAP. I really feel down right now I wanted to take Erv out for Fathers Day and get him these sunglasses he wanted. Instead I will cook some chicken on the grill and make him a him cooked meal if my back will allow me. Just paid my fractured atlas bill and fear the car is about to die because by the time I get paid for my repairs my insurance will be cancelled because I can't afford to keep my car insured with no income.
I am meditating today that I reach out to the right person that can assist me in finishing my film.
I don't understand I have everything in place the Fiscal Sponsor, the trailer, and the website and I am not raising money. It's like nobody cares about rape and healing to even donate my spirits are low, by bank account is depleted and I have nothing. My family thinks there is nothing wrong but I am having a set back trying to get back on the horse without falling off again. I feel like I failed myself again, first it was not fighting back the perps or saying I was raped, now I have decided to tell my story and my voice is not even heard. I feel like I'm fighting in vain to be heard and situations arise that distract me from my goal of finishing this film. It's like I keep fighting in place for what I don't know. I spent all my earnings and savings believing in myself and some how have let myself down by not raising enough money to complete a film that would inspire so many to continue even after failure.
To donate to the film Tenacidad click here I care and make this film a reality. Thanks so much and send me a note as well. Thanks again for reading and sharing my link.